Sheer panic

And unless you’ve had a pregnancy/miscarriage where you feel pregnant until the day you go in for your 8-week ultrasound to hear that there is no heart beat then you won’t understand the sheer panic I felt on Monday night. We had our 8-week scheduled for Tuesday morning and although I felt ick Monday at dinner by the time I went to bed, I didn’t have tender breasts or seem to feel ick. I was convinced, CONVINCED that it happened again.

I was up most of the night, even had a bowl of cereal at 4 a.m. I almost hyperventilated on the way to the doctor. I spent the first part of the ultrasound with a scarf over my face – at least this time they didn’t make us wait but a few seconds in the room. Once the woman started measuring things I said “is there a heart beat” – Yes. Whew. Then we heard the heart beat and if I hadn’t been such a wreck I might have enjoyed it. But I do remember it. The steady sound of 188 beats per minute. So she says the measurement and heart beat are normal. Another whew.

It took me a good two hours to calm myself. I’m still not ready to tell people. I need the 10 week okay and then we’ll see. I pray for a good 10 weeks…so anyway, now that I’m back to just being pregnant, life is about the same. Woozy, tired and 2 week waiting.