Exhale

And I’m there. So the 10-week appt went well. 180 beats for the bean and growing just fine. The doc was talking about “being curved” and whatnot while doing the ultrasound and I was like “hey, is there a heart beat and is it okay???!!!” And she said “oh yeah everything is fine, just trying to get a good angle” – HELLO don’t they know. No they don’t. BUT the good news is my levels were 145K so I’m starting to level off – aka not so hormonal and I no longer have to have a shot of progesterone at night – woo hoo! They also “graduated” us to a real OB. I mean a real OB. Wow. I never planned for this day. It’s amazing. Anyway, the last few days I’ve started to feel better emotionally and physically. I’m really hungry most of the day but not so nauseous. I still can’t eat everything some times but to not feel woozie all day is progress. And did I mention a real OB appt!!!

We do have one more ultrasound later this month (around the 13-week mark) for screen of deformities. I hope all goes well there. But then it’s just grow baby grow. I’m not going to tell anyone from work, I think I’m just going to wait until someone asks – aka thinks I’m big enough to ask. I’m sure for now, the perception is I’m packin’ on those holiday pounds – ha! Or just maintaining my current puffery:)

We also told a couple of people, which is a big deal. I told my two best friends and the huzz has one best friend who knows. I think we will send out announcement cards at the beginning of January. Something we can do together to celebrate and enjoy being pregnant. We also talked briefly about the nursery and wanting to find out the sex of the baby. I mean this is the real deal. Pray the next 30 weeks goes well – cause we need it!

Avoiding

So I’ve been avoiding writing anything because I just feel uncomfortable about talking about it. Ya know “it.” It consumes my every moment but yet, I’m afraid if I say it out loud and something happens again that it will be MORE devastating. I went through some panic last week with the ickies subsiding and instead I felt like I had a tape worm (not that I’ve had one so I’m only assuming). I couldn’t eat enough and my breasts didn’t hurt as much. So I thought for sure it’s dooms day. But then slowly I’ve begun to feel ick again. So tomorrow is the 10-week appt and I just hope all is well with the bean. I pray all is well. We need it to be okay. I’m exhausted.